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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I wish I could express my emotions out, openly. Due to circumstances, I can't.
It’s just that I wanted badly to give up & run away from my problem.
The problem just keep pouring in, and pouring in, and pouring in. It's suffocating me.
I’ve tried my best to solve it but it seems to be no solution.
I'm alone, I'm solitary, I have so many things that I need to solve but I don't know how and I don't know who to even turn to anymore.
Nobody will know and understand what I’m going through at this moment.
People may say this & that, but they are not in my shoes. The burden is on me.
Behind my smile & laughter, a wave of sadness is engulfing me.
Life hasn't been treating me too well and I don't want to think about anything already.
I'm disappointed with everything, I don't want to expect anything anymore.

It's funny how life works around you sometimes. Every time you go through something, whether it's a trivial dilemma or life-threatening crisis, you learn something. It's just a matter of whether you realise it or not, and whether you put it to good use in the future. I don't know how I've changed because of what happened recently, but I do know that I've done quite a few uncharacteristic things of late. The usual Irah wouldn't have showed and tell her feelings, but surprisingly, I actually did admit that I regret with what I’ve done. On top of that, I usually wouldn't even try to talk things out. A lot of things were just different this time, somehow.

I make mistakes because I’m instilled with infinite imperfections. Nobody is perfect in this world. I learnt from the mistakes that I’ve done. So unless you're god, just keep your cynical comments to yourself. Quit bringing people down already. It’s not a free world; you pay for what you do. Heard of Karma? What goes around, comes around. Move on, grow up, and get over it. Everything happened for a reason. Life is short. Fuck the past, kiss the future.

Moving on, this coming holiday is a chance for me to literally sleep the night away till next morning and then next week going to be a day full of havoc again with nothing else, my wedding preparation. (But I like it. I love being busy and so caught up). I just want to head to my bed, snuggle into the blanket, squished up against my pillow and Winnie the Pooh bolster (LOL!) and I fall asleep and wake up the next day feeling satisfied. But I think I wouldn't be that satisfied because I seriously lack of sleep. My dark ring circle is becoming worse.

Just yesterday, I accompanied bf for his follow up at TTSH from 7pm right after work till 3am. Had only 4 hours of sleep before waking up at 7am for work. By the time I reached home, I was like a zombie. I’m DEAD tired because of the depriving of sleep last night. YAWNZ!

12:07 PM

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Spasmodically Beautiful
bittersweet angel of love
if you sweet-talk her like sugar,
she'll hug you till death do we part.
but if you wrong her for a silly reason,
she'll spite with her sarcasm
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