01/01/09, the first day of 2009. The day that people had enjoyed themselves from the countdown. But not for me. On thursday morning, 01/01/09, I felt an abdominal cramp and bleeding was quite heavy. I thought it was normal as I had bleeding for the past few days. Not until the cramp worsen later in the afternoon, around 4pm. More blood clot seems to pass out. I tried to bare with cramp by lying on my bed all day long.
At night, around 9pm, I felt a big blood clot passed out. I knew something was not right cause the cramp was so painful. Take a look and it was white clot, a size of strawberry together with blood. I was worried cause I have never seen such a big clot before. I was not satisfied. Take a close look and I saw the shape of a foetus! I saw the shape of my baby's head, body parts and the clear part is the eyes. I broke down in tears infront of my mum when I showed it to her. I knew it was my foetus covered with water bag that had become a jelly. I put my foetus inside a container to show it to the gynae in the hospital. I kept holding it close to me all the way to the hospital.
Mum & me reached NUH around 11pm and I waited till 4am to be warded in. In between, I was bleeding alot. Not more than 30 mins, my pad was soaked. A gynae put a spectrum inside my vagina and alot of blood clot came out. I was given a drip to be warded. My dad & mum consoled me. I cried. I was alone. Azim was not with me as he can't book out from his guard duty. At that point of time, I felt I was going insane to see my foetus taken away for examination.
Friday morning, 02/01/09, Azim came and I hugged him, crying like a small kid. He was with me all day long. In the afternoon, my drip was taken out. I had to go for vaginal ultrascan to make sure that everything had been passed out from my womb. Thank god that I did not have to be 'wash' as the gynae confirmed that I'm ok and can be discharged later on. My dad picked us up. I was given hospitalisation leave till 08/01/09 to recover and a follow up on 09/01/09. I can collect my foetus on the day of my follow up, hopefully. My parents want to bury it. I'm not so sure about this matter. I leave it to my parents and in-laws to decide.
Thanks to Dinah, Jaz, Farah, Eqin & Shahmi for visiting me. :)
As for now, I'm still feeling fatigue, restless, period cramp, headache. I kept telling myself to be strong and everything happened for a reason. 2 months 3 days, the duration the baby managed to be alive. I have to stay strong although I'm still sad by the sudden miscarriage.
I still remember walking passed by the nursery, looking at those cute babies. I cried as I think of my miscarriage. Kept looking at my baby's ultrascan pictures. I actually can't wait to feel it to kick my tummy, feel the movement, growing bigger each day, experience giving birth to my own baby but now, nothing. :(
Follow Her ♥
Hear Her ♥
Spasmodically Beautiful ONE&ONLY
bittersweet angel of love♥
if you sweet-talk her like sugar,
she'll hug you till death do we part.
but if you wrong her for a silly reason,
she'll spite with her sarcasm
but LOVEher. she's the one & only, Irah!
Uniquely Her ♥
I am who I am.
Unless you lived my life, don't judge me
because you don't know me, never have and
never will know every little thing and detail
Her Other Half ♥
My only weakness is you.
Only reason is you.
Every minute with you.
You're my everything.
Our Bundle Of Joy ♥
This little tiny baby
Was sent from God above.
To fill our hearts with happiness
And touch our lives with love.
We'd give our all
And always do our best.
To give our precious baby love
And be grateful and so blessed.
All rights reserved to me. All rants, thoughts, views and expressions represent those of myself only.
Layout design by yours truly. No parts shall be duplicated any where else without written and expressed permission.
Hating me won't make you pretty. Jealousy means that I'm great, remember that.