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Friday, January 02, 2009

01/01/09, the first day of 2009. The day that people had enjoyed themselves from the countdown. But not for me. On thursday morning, 01/01/09, I felt an abdominal cramp and bleeding was quite heavy. I thought it was normal as I had bleeding for the past few days. Not until the cramp worsen later in the afternoon, around 4pm. More blood clot seems to pass out. I tried to bare with cramp by lying on my bed all day long.

At night, around 9pm, I felt a big blood clot passed out. I knew something was not right cause the cramp was so painful. Take a look and it was white clot, a size of strawberry together with blood. I was worried cause I have never seen such a big clot before. I was not satisfied. Take a close look and I saw the shape of a foetus! I saw the shape of my baby's head, body parts and the clear part is the eyes. I broke down in tears infront of my mum when I showed it to her. I knew it was my foetus covered with water bag that had become a jelly. I put my foetus inside a container to show it to the gynae in the hospital. I kept holding it close to me all the way to the hospital.

Mum & me reached NUH around 11pm and I waited till 4am to be warded in. In between, I was bleeding alot. Not more than 30 mins, my pad was soaked. A gynae put a spectrum inside my vagina and alot of blood clot came out. I was given a drip to be warded. My dad & mum consoled me. I cried. I was alone. Azim was not with me as he can't book out from his guard duty. At that point of time, I felt I was going insane to see my foetus taken away for examination.

Friday morning, 02/01/09, Azim came and I hugged him, crying like a small kid. He was with me all day long. In the afternoon, my drip was taken out. I had to go for vaginal ultrascan to make sure that everything had been passed out from my womb. Thank god that I did not have to be 'wash' as the gynae confirmed that I'm ok and can be discharged later on. My dad picked us up. I was given hospitalisation leave till 08/01/09 to recover and a follow up on 09/01/09. I can collect my foetus on the day of my follow up, hopefully. My parents want to bury it. I'm not so sure about this matter. I leave it to my parents and in-laws to decide.

Thanks to Dinah, Jaz, Farah, Eqin & Shahmi for visiting me. :)

As for now, I'm still feeling fatigue, restless, period cramp, headache. I kept telling myself to be strong and everything happened for a reason. 2 months 3 days, the duration the baby managed to be alive. I have to stay strong although I'm still sad by the sudden miscarriage.

I still remember walking passed by the nursery, looking at those cute babies. I cried as I think of my miscarriage. Kept looking at my baby's ultrascan pictures. I actually can't wait to feel it to kick my tummy, feel the movement, growing bigger each day, experience giving birth to my own baby but now, nothing. :(

9:28 PM

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