Monday, December 15, 2008
My life has been pretty much on a low lately. My days have been hectic, and quite problematic since Sunday but it is starting to look better now as I can partially see what's the deal and how to go about dealing it right. It's tough. My heart feels heavy like some sort of an unfinish problem that need to be deal with sooner than anything else. They're just mountains waiting to be conquered. I've always been on the verge of tears every time something, whether trivial or not, aggravates me. Maybe it's because I've been getting a lot of unnecessary shit from a lot of people lately. I've been thinking of running away from it, even allowed my mind to run wild on thoughts of _____________ but I can't bare to do it.
Mama, I'm so sorry for everything. Yes, I'm a bad daughter. I've let you and ayah down. You have high hopes for me as I'm the first child. I'm dissapointed in myself too. I cried to myself every single time I think of this. Your harsh words are too pain to be swallow. I always tried to be the best I can. But eventually, I fall. The only thing I need is the support and encouragement from the both of you. That's all. I totall understand your feelings and how worried you are. Insya allah, when everyhing is done, I will pick up the shattered pieces and build it strong once more. Mama and ayah punya doa restu, is all I need. Ampun dan maaf, Nadirah.