Saturday, April 28, 2007
I woke up with a fuzzy feeling inside. I think about him all the time, even when I'm doing my work. FYI, I quit my job! Basically the entire day he's running through my thoughts. I stone in front of the computer missing him. And i do not get tired of doing the same old thing. It's been such a struggle, trying as much as I can to forget about it. Yes, I am disappointed, I am emo and I am sad. But, does it really matter? No one else understands more than I do. After all, i've been crying for the past couple of nights.
Yes, I've been hurting and I'm not saying this to gain pity or whatsoever. But I feel a whole new sense of enlightenment and I'm filled with hopes and quite a bit of positivity. I cannot comprehend how badly I want everything to work out. Is this what they call LOVE? I just feel different from the past. I'm not reckless, rash and impulsive in my decisions anymore. Breaking up should never be a solution unless you have tried to make things work out but they just do not. Love is blind? Perhaps. i know many of you do not understand why I'm willing to put myself through this. It doesn't seem like it's worth it but for now, i think it is. Even my babes told me that. I also know that some of you feel like I deserve better and nothing close to this shit, but i'm not perfect myself. Right from the start, we know that this is going to be something different and different situations need different ways of handling.
I stand by what I've said, second fucking time now. No matter what, I'm staying although I wanted badly to end this relationship. Since this is the choice i made (there is no such thing as wrong or right choices anyway), I'm sticking to it till the end. End of what? I do not know. When is the end? I do not know. This is only the beginning. This relationship has stretched my patience and tolerance so much, to extents that I never thought I'm capable of. Point is, I think i've grown. A lot, a lot. I know you girls care for me, and i cannot be more thankful. When the truth hurts, do you want to know? I cannot decide. It's so hard to be me. Please spare me the additional heartache.
Yes, we gonna a start a brand new life. I may forgive but I won't forget. :)